Is adding salt before tasting a dish a social faux pas, or are too many of us uptight and rigid about this matter of etiquette? The answer depends on who you’re with. Peter Dazeley via Getty Images
Are you a fool if you salt your food before tasting it?
When you automatically add salt to food that someone else has prepared for you, whether it’s your mother or a chef in a restaurant, it’s no longer just about seasoning — it’s, for many, a social faux pas.
If you’re a guest and you salt a dish in front of your host, “it sends a signal to the cook that you assume their skills and judgment are poor,” said Nick Leighton, etiquette expert and co-host of the weekly etiquette podcast, “Were You Raised By Wolves?”
“A polite host will never say anything about the seasoning you give to his food, but he will almost certainly notice and make a note of it,” he said.
An offended cook may interpret the action to mean that you don’t trust his or her cooking skills – and some may even think it says something about the saltier’s character.
In a decades-old business legend, an executive invites his candidate to dinner. If the candidate salts a dish before tasting it, he fails the hidden test and loses the job. This story, often called the Henry Ford or Thomas Edison test because some believe these famous inventors may have administered it to job candidates, is a cautionary tale.
The moral of this lesson: Salting a dish before tasting it is a sign of narrow-mindedness and assumptions before action. But should we be so harsh?
Why Salting Etiquette May Vary Across Cultures
Salting, in general—whether before or after tasting your food—can be a touchy subject that touches on cultural sensitivities.
Sara Jane Ho, etiquette expert and author of the new book “Mind Your Manners,” cited the 1993 blockbuster film “The Joy Luck Club” as an example of why this question of etiquette can depend on your cultural background.
Serving someone a meal is an act of caring. “In Chinese culture, you express your love through cooking, as in many other cultures,” Ho says. “If your wife doesn’t make you soup, it’s almost like she doesn’t love you.”
In the film, Waverly, a Chinese-American adult daughter, brings her hapless American partner Rich to a family dinner. Waverly’s mother, Lindo, prepares her best dish for him. During the meal, Waverly realizes that she forgot to tell Rich that it is typical in Chinese custom for his mother to insult the dish she is most proud of, calling it “not salty enough.”
“It was our moment to eat it and proclaim it was the best she had ever made,” Waverly says in the film.
But instead, Rich agrees with Lindo and says, “All he needs is a little soy sauce.” He happily slurps it up from the dish, while Waverly and her family watch the scene, mouths agape, in mute horror.
Rich “meant well, but he didn’t get it and ended up offending everyone,” Ho said.
In Chinese culture, “a lot of communication is done through context and reading between the lines,” she explained, whereas in American cultures like the one Rich grew up in, “you mean 100 percent what you say.”
If you want to play it safe, avoid salting a dish in front of the person who prepared it, Ho advises. Chefs are artists, and you don’t want to appear to be insulting their craft. Ho herself has said she would never ask for salt if she were dining out, especially at a Michelin-starred restaurant.
“There are certainly situations where you might want to not salt your food even if you think it needs it, like when you’re having dinner at your in-laws’ house for the first time,” Leighton said.
Why You Shouldn’t Take Other People’s Curing Choices Personally
There are good reasons why we should give more grace to people who enthusiastically salt their food. Often, it’s not out of disrespect, but rather personal choice.
Nasim Lahbichi, a chef and content creator in Brooklyn, New York, grew up in a Puerto Rican-Moroccan household and said your preferred amount of salt can depend on what you ate growing up or your age, as your taste buds change. For example, he explained that he loves his tomato-based eggplant dip zaalouk with two teaspoons of salt in large amounts, while his father finds it “too salty.”
“I love very salty food,” he said. “I’ve been on the other side of the fence before, when someone complained that I added too much salt, and I said, ‘Either you eat it or you don’t. I’ll order you food if you want.’”
“Seasoning is a very personal thing. And I think adding salt to make the experience more enjoyable is perfectly acceptable” in restaurants, he said, because “it’s impossible to add the perfect amount of salt that will satisfy every person.”
Leighton agreed with this answer and said it was possible to add salt. to restaurant food because your dining companions are “They’re unlikely to be offended because they didn’t participate in preparing the meal.” He noted, however, that you should always check with your dining companions before adding salt to a shared dish.
What I like to say is, “I like to add a lot more salt than the average person.” That’s why I make it a personal issue.Sara Jane Ho, Etiquette Expert
Food is always more personal when it’s prepared for people you care about. That’s when people might be most offended by your request for more salt. But this kind of request doesn’t have to be a big deal—it can actually be a sign that you’re close enough to be honest with each other.
Lahbichi shared that he respects friends who “are unapologetic about their needs,” and that if one of them asked for salt at dinner, he would encourage them to go to their cupboard and use it, reflecting his approach to hospitality.
“When I bring you into my space, yes it’s my space, but I also want you to feel comfortable,” he said.
A big part of etiquette is learning to tell the truth straight out. So if a host asks if you think their dish needs more or less salt, be tactful. Ho said that “best friends can get away with it” by directly stating how much salt your food needs, but “if you’re not best friends, you’ll never be able to admit that their food isn’t good.”
You can also be tactful and make it more about your taste buds. “What I like to say is that I like to add a lot more salt than the average person. That’s how I make it a personal issue, not a problem with their food,” Ho said.
“Some people have bigger egos than others,” Lahbichi says of when to ask for salt. “Assess the situation at that moment and see who you’re with, what kind of relationship you have with that person, and go from there.”
“As a rule, I always taste the food first before deciding if it is salty,” Lahbichi said.
And if you’re the target of bland or salty food, focus on what really matters. “Take the L and keep eating and just enjoy being with your friends and chosen family,” Lahbichi advised.
These different answers show that this is a nuanced discussion and there is no universal rule, so take this with a grain of salt. As with most etiquette questions, the best option depends on who you’re with.
