SLOUGH, ENGLAND:
If there were a standardized test for a domestic goddess, I would get a very generous D-. I say this with no pride. I used to envy people whose folded sheets look like a prize-winning origami masterpiece and whose ironed shirt collars look like they just came out of a factory. My sheets look like they were folded by a three-year-old, and I think a baboon could iron them better than I could. It’s appalling.
The only thing that could possibly raise my grade from an F to a D- is my ability to flip a switch on a cake mixer, turn on an oven, and interpret basic instructions that a ten-year-old could follow. Non-bakers are led to believe that making a cake requires mind-blowing dexterity. They’re wrong (though there’s nothing wrong with maintaining that illusion if you like the ego boost). Frosting may require some careful handwork, but a simple coffee-nut cake with frosting applied with a spatula? If you have an electric mixer in your kitchen, you can do it in your sleep. Here’s how.
1. Turn on the oven to 180 °C. Use an oven thermometer. I lived with a temperamental oven that lied – it made baking projects very sad. Remove butter and eggs so they are no longer cold in the refrigerator. Prepare a 9 inch cake pan either by covering it with baking paper or by brushing it with oil and sprinkling with flour.
2. Mix the softened cream 8 oz unsalted butter And 8 oz granulated sugar. Note: If your sugar looks like freshly mined diamonds, process it in a food processor to grind it until it resembles the texture of salt. Add four eggs one by one, with 1 teaspoon vanilla extractAt low speed – or by hand – mix 8 oz plain flour with 2 teaspoons baking powder.
3. In a separate cup, mix 1 teaspoon of coffee with ¼ cup of hot waterAdd this to your cake mix, along with ¼ cup yogurtHot coffee and yogurt are both essential to give your cake the ultimate velvety texture. Mix ½ cup crushed walnuts. Pour your batter into your prepared pan. If you don’t want to bother with the frosting afterwards, sprinkle a handful of crushed walnuts on top.
4. Bake for 40 minutesor until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. If your kitchen is filled with the smell of cake before your timer goes off, check your cake, unless you like the taste of burnt things. Likewise, if the 40 minutes are up and your cake still looks moist, return it to the oven and check it every five minutes. A cake that doesn’t bake, sags in the middle, and tastes like flour is not your end goal here. Watch your oven like a hawk after thirty minutes if you know it’s being finicky.
5. If you’re frosting (although this cake is perfectly acceptable without it), whip some cream and mix in some coffee. If you’re more of a buttercream fan, look up any coffee buttercream recipe. Spread it on with a spatula. No need to do a Michelangelo experiment here; you want a frosting full of coffee goodness, not a work of art. And unlike the butter-sugar-egg-flour ratio, there’s only so much science to this final step. Want more coffee? Go for it. Think the buttercream frosting you just searched for will be too sweet? Use less sugar. Want more crunch? Sprinkle some chopped nuts on top. Frosting is measured by the center. Make it your own.
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